Here's a theory I formulated when someone told me that they had attained a degree of self-actualization as a result of a relationship. Maslow, the psychological behaviour analyst, has without a doubt created a highly robust model to explain the needs of a human being thru the course of their life. So here's my attempt to borrow from that concept and create a model to explain people's needs in relationships...
This model seeks to enlist the main needs of individuals from their relationship. However, needless to say, it does not discard the presence of other physical, physiological and emotional needs.
The Levels Decoded
1. Acceptance: The most basic need of any relationship is acceptance. An individual feels the need to be accepted by their partner for the person that they are, the values they stand for, the ideals they believe in, the goals that they work towards and their idea of happiness and life itself. This is where several potential relationships break down before formalizing, and rock-stable ones break down after many years due to a re-jig in these basic variables for either individual.
2. Comfort: A key need is the comfort level one shares with their partner. As someone once aptly put it, "There are times when you end up doing nothing with your partner, and just sit around in the same room without uttering a word. For some this may be boredom, but I would think that it's a level hard to attain, to be your normal self without doing anything out of the ordinary and yet remain comfortable." There are some that believe that such a stage can be worked towards reaching, while others feel that this is just something that exists between some couples and not in others. Either way, the essence of one feeling comfortable in a relationship with their partner cannot be underplayed, due to its importance in the long run.
3. Safety: How secure the two involved feel is something of a given for those that exist in strong and resilient relationships. How safe a relationship is perceived as, is often a factor of how the relationship itself has matured and the foundation that it lies on. However, it often proves to be the chief hurdle in the makings of happily-ever-after stories. Volatility is almost unavoidable in today's age in most of an individual's pursuits. And one often does not feel as secure in a high risk - high reward relationship as they do in stable placid ones. Nevertheless, the need for safety and security in a relationship remains a strong determining factor in its strength.
4. Contentment: There comes a time in relationships, after all the arguments, fights, emotional blackmailing and wanting to change several aspects of one's partner, when one is content with the relationship. One gets so complacent with the presence of their partner in their life that they take everything about the relationship for granted. After all the power struggles, here is the point where the equilibrium has been conquered. One finds the thought of living without the partner almost impossible, just because of the sheer time that has gone into the relationship, and how much one has grown with and become accustomed to their partner. When one gets to this position, one doesn't question the reasons or triggers that keep them in the relationship. It's well beyond that stage, where the partner is an extension of one’s self and cannot be visualized as a separate entity.
5. Self actualization: The previous level is where most relationships yearn to reach, and saturate at. However, there are a few individuals that reach this stage. This is almost a secret mezzanine floor in this building, which cannot be reached by any elevator or stairs by trying. It's a state of being which is achieved when one attains a very pure degree of fulfilment in all the other needs. One then drifts into this phase, almost unknowingly, when one stars questioning the deeper meaning of a relationship and its value to life itself. However, this level is accompanied by a dangerous state of mind, which clouds one's mind from life progression activities. This, coupled with a high degree of complacency almost inevitably challenges the very ethos of such a relationship and tests its levels of endurance. Such strain on a frail relationship almost proves fatal most of the time, hence rendering this level in the relationship need hierarchy as both prized and perilous.
This model seeks to enlist the main needs of individuals from their relationship. However, needless to say, it does not discard the presence of other physical, physiological and emotional needs.
The Levels Decoded1. Acceptance: The most basic need of any relationship is acceptance. An individual feels the need to be accepted by their partner for the person that they are, the values they stand for, the ideals they believe in, the goals that they work towards and their idea of happiness and life itself. This is where several potential relationships break down before formalizing, and rock-stable ones break down after many years due to a re-jig in these basic variables for either individual.
2. Comfort: A key need is the comfort level one shares with their partner. As someone once aptly put it, "There are times when you end up doing nothing with your partner, and just sit around in the same room without uttering a word. For some this may be boredom, but I would think that it's a level hard to attain, to be your normal self without doing anything out of the ordinary and yet remain comfortable." There are some that believe that such a stage can be worked towards reaching, while others feel that this is just something that exists between some couples and not in others. Either way, the essence of one feeling comfortable in a relationship with their partner cannot be underplayed, due to its importance in the long run.
3. Safety: How secure the two involved feel is something of a given for those that exist in strong and resilient relationships. How safe a relationship is perceived as, is often a factor of how the relationship itself has matured and the foundation that it lies on. However, it often proves to be the chief hurdle in the makings of happily-ever-after stories. Volatility is almost unavoidable in today's age in most of an individual's pursuits. And one often does not feel as secure in a high risk - high reward relationship as they do in stable placid ones. Nevertheless, the need for safety and security in a relationship remains a strong determining factor in its strength.
4. Contentment: There comes a time in relationships, after all the arguments, fights, emotional blackmailing and wanting to change several aspects of one's partner, when one is content with the relationship. One gets so complacent with the presence of their partner in their life that they take everything about the relationship for granted. After all the power struggles, here is the point where the equilibrium has been conquered. One finds the thought of living without the partner almost impossible, just because of the sheer time that has gone into the relationship, and how much one has grown with and become accustomed to their partner. When one gets to this position, one doesn't question the reasons or triggers that keep them in the relationship. It's well beyond that stage, where the partner is an extension of one’s self and cannot be visualized as a separate entity.
5. Self actualization: The previous level is where most relationships yearn to reach, and saturate at. However, there are a few individuals that reach this stage. This is almost a secret mezzanine floor in this building, which cannot be reached by any elevator or stairs by trying. It's a state of being which is achieved when one attains a very pure degree of fulfilment in all the other needs. One then drifts into this phase, almost unknowingly, when one stars questioning the deeper meaning of a relationship and its value to life itself. However, this level is accompanied by a dangerous state of mind, which clouds one's mind from life progression activities. This, coupled with a high degree of complacency almost inevitably challenges the very ethos of such a relationship and tests its levels of endurance. Such strain on a frail relationship almost proves fatal most of the time, hence rendering this level in the relationship need hierarchy as both prized and perilous.
Hmmm. Makes sense. But don't you think a perilous result of the last stage would lead back to wanting an acceptance again in some way forming a cycle?
ReplyDeleteBut overall, fantastic pa :)..
ReplyDeleteKeep it up!!