Dreams and Discontent

"Who's to blame if you're so tired?
And haven't found what you were longing for?
Lost everything you sought so hard,
Flown up to the sky and fallen back again?" - Translation of a Russian Song

Most people continue to live in state of mild displeasure at their current plight. It is described as normal human behaviour in classical psychology, as long as that state doesn't instigate one to destabilize that balance, more than mildly. People fit into this mould with relative ease, always wanting something they don't currently possess. This reinforces the theory that humans have not evolved significantly in this respect for the past thousands of years, and will continue to tread on this path, notwithstanding the allowable limit of exceptions.

"I hate my job, I just can't stay put any longer!"
This is a phrase I hear as often as once a day, from a diverse set of sources, for a multitude of reasons. Hypocrisy, Bureaucracy, Lies, Deceit, Boredom and many more; people have their own perfectly valid reasons to hate their jobs. The big bad corporate world, now inflicting the full force of its wrath on its inhabitants.

But it wasn't as bad always. We've grown up, watching those business news channels, captivated with the elan with which those CXOs conduct their businesses and their lives. We've wanted to get there, we wanted to be featured in newspapers, wanted to give those interviews about industry and how we spend our weekends. We've struggled to get to where we have, on a growth path that will lead us there in time, after investing a good part of our youth, into this quest.

The corporate life, the paychecks arriving every month on that particular date. The golfcourses, the deals, the contacts, the exclusive club membership, the gold tier on multiple frequent flyer programs, the parties, the webconferences with people in other corners of the world, the fame, the adultation, the recognition. We wanted it all.

And here we are, checking atleast 50% of that list in our first years of working, now wondering why we thought so highly of "corporate life". We were drawn to it like flies to a flame, promising to ourselves that we're going to make it to the cover of that magazine by the time we turn 40, not realizing what sacrifices that quest demanded. And now, we strain our memory to remember what we were after, in those years of preparation to get here.

We hate the lies those wretched HR people tell us, those promises that we were made before we signed on the dotted line, and the amount our company has us pledge away to the government, as deducted-at-source taxes! We hate how those no-good people get to where they are by constantly kissing ass, mostly figuratively, sometimes literally! We hate how some people get by on their looks all the time. We hate those people that always try to network with us, without an ounce of genuineness in their voices. We hate how each of them, however high up they may be, are equally wretched leches. Of their ability to remember only the names of attractive women and not the other noteworthy hardworking majority and never letting go of an opportunity to ogle at them, which female collegues desribe in disgust. We hate how we have to fake a smile at them wherever you meet them, just because they've reached a higher work-level, failing which they would take offence and perhaps use it against you in some way. And innumerable more of these situations that we undergo...

We crib to our friends about how this stifles us and how it would be prudent to just walk away from it. We comtemplate chasing our pristine dreams, the other ones we dreamt of before we got lured by the flashbulbs, the greenbacks and the glamour. "We'd rather be doing what we love, than something we love to hate", we reckon.

A few days pass, and we keep our niggling worries distracted by other things. Choosing to spend our time with friends, loved ones and other pursuits. Till the next time, a few days later, when the entire cycle starts again. For in reality, we just love our lives a little too much to want to let go. We love our paychecks every month, that pays all our bills and leaves a lot more. For in reality, we would rather crib about our current states and still stick there, than to plunge into an unknown.

We've been conditioned by society to think that we're the most successful if we make the most money. And we believe that the only ones that don't conform to this are the ones that didn't make it in their lives. And hey, we're making more money than 99.9% of our country's population. We love the recognition we receive from relatives who remark at where we've got to be in such a span of time. For in reality, we all grew up in the 90s in urban India when we were undergoing a transformation. The economic liberalization brought with it dreams of more than that prestigious government job, which everyone then was content with. Our parents worked hard for themselves and us, and put us thru those schools and colleges, where we dreamt dreams of being where we currently are. We dreamt of having a big house, a big car and supporting our parents thru to vacations across the world.

For in reality, we're scared. We're scared of throwing it all away. We've got here, after some time and we don't want to get greedy. We've all heard horror stories of how everything crumbles down to rubble so easily if you're not attentive enough. We believe in ourselves but we believe in the power of dreams as well. So we'd much rather go suck up some more to our bosses and get our 'checks in the mail. It isn't to say we won't pursue those aspirational dreams, we will. At a time when we feel ready for it, we will. But till then, we're going to be content with being mildly discontent.

Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for " - Epicurus