What I Didn't Know When I Moved Halfway Around the World

At the beginning of this year, I moved from India to the United States. Barring work projects and student exchange programs lasting a few months, I had never lived in another country. I hardly knew anyone that I had kept in touch with in New York - an old college dorm buddy, a cousin I'd met twice in life and maybe a few more like that. Yet, I was confident that this would be one of the best decisions of my life. There were some things I knew before I moved halfway around the world.

The anti-incumbency factor

After a while, even a place you love can become dreary. I've lived in many cities across India and realized that there's not a single one that I hated despite having had a mediocre time there. It continued to be a place where I spent a part of my life and made the most of what I could, at the time. Even Bangalore, with the comfort of home and its amazing local food joints fatigued me just thinking of the work commutes people endure. Even Delhi, always my favorite city made me feel like all there was to it was the same diners, the same restaurants and the same bars. And vacations get old after a while, as I start missing a routine.

(R)Evolution

Growing up, I changed 5 schools. I really enjoyed it since I was never one that made great friends at that age. I was a reticent kid who thought he was different, and somehow didn't fit in. And trouble was never too far from me. As schools go, reputations were echoed across corridors in hushed whispers. Not that I was the most notorious of the lot, but I never did go without some sort of label branded onto me. And after a while, I felt inhibited by it. I was compelled by an invisible force to stand by my reputation built 2 years ago which I had grown out of, but couldn't shrug off.

And that's where a new school brought a fresh slate. In between schools, my mom would ask if I wanted to go to my old school one last time or to check out the new one. I always picked the new one, because I was excited to see what the kids were like there and wanted to figure out what I wanted to be. I could walk in the next day being a nerdy, sporty, flirty, quiet or gregarious boy. I could be whoever I wanted to be and I loved that feeling of not having to behave a certain way just because of the baggage I carried.

A Western Country

There are things about everyday life in a country like the US that are so different from India that it often takes more than a couple of vacations to start understanding the nuances of them all. I can think of scores of examples such as how you tip, how you dress however cold it is, the dignity of labour, the way hotel check-ins and check-outs work and so many more. It's evolved from a very different way of life. And being an avid traveler, I've realized the ignorance of people that aren't familiar with more than one way of living.

New York

Greatest city on Earth. Enough said.

And then there are the things I didn't know...

People are the same

They just come in different colors and sizes, but they are inherently all the same. There are those that talk confidently with no content, those that are clueless in any setting whether it's at work or in public; those that are charitable, those that are polite and so on. The genres of people don't change because you change continents. They have the same insecurities, hopes and aspirations as people anywhere else do. It's a common misconception to think that one meets a different kind of people. Overtly, people have some distinct traits common to regions or cities. Fundamentally, people are still the same.

Nobody calls

This is perhaps a very US phenomena that nobody calls you. Everyone uses text on some kind of messenger. Hardly anyone picks up their phone to talk to you. I presume it's because people aren't comfortable with making decisions on their feet. I recall calling an acquaintance the first week I was here about going out for dinner only to be met with - "Can you drop me an email. I'll reply to you and we can figure it out". While I was taken aback, it came as a worthy learning experience of the "American way".

When I took an American girl out on a date a few months later, I casually mentioned how the whole romantic concept of talking on the phone for hours has truly died with messengers. She got the hint. She made it a point to give me a call instead of texting. But there's no changing everyone.

And what about the people in India?! Agreed that it's cheaper to call from here, but that isn't an excuse for not calling at all. Yes, the time difference is not ideal, but I speak about once a couple of months to people I often spoke to every other day. And that's not fun. Even my family now communicates on messengers to let me know when I should get on Skype. My frequently called list is often full of 1-800 numbers and a handful of friends.

Your Friends are still your old friends

Being a social person, one makes new friends. I've made friends here but none of them know anything about my family or anything about what I was like a few years ago. All we talk about are impersonal things - the things we can do, the latest news bites. Everyone has a certain time window for meeting you. And you need to coordinate calendars to make your Saturday free to hang out with people that you like. Maybe it has become this dreary in some circles in Mumbai/Delhi, but consider yourself unlucky if you belong there. I cherish those days when you picked up the phone at some odd hour at night and said "I feel like XYZ street food, let's go right now" and you found a couple of other sleepy eyed people next to you 15 minutes later.

Everyone says you stop making great friends in your late 20s. That's probably true. But it needn't be.

Loneliness

This was the one I was bracing myself for but it hits harder than you think. The first 2 weeks I was here were only 4 days work weeks. And it was probably the worst timing, in hindsight. I was all alone in a new country where it was snowing and I had nowhere to go and nothing to do. Between jet lag, not figuring out how to turn on the heater and the time difference, I was lost. And wondering what the hell I was doing here. That's how I got into watching the Walking Dead!

It takes effort to go out there and meet new people. And even if you like meeting new people like I do, it's still work. Try going to work, having a tough day and coming back home and deciding to go to a Meetup or an Interest Group. It isn't easy. Yet it feels worth it only much later. In a few months, I'm back to having plans every single day and having to choose between multiple options. 

I probably have 6 degrees of separation with every new friend I've made. No mutual friends, no way we would've met if we hadn't been in that bar bored when we bumped into one another, or when we randomly met on a street and connected in a coffee shop over the next 2 hours.

Comfort of Familiarity

I scoffed at those Indians that stayed abroad that often commented on all the happenings in politics, sport and TV shows that were happening in India. And wondered why they would continue to give a damn about the stuff here. I realize it now, after streaming CNN IBN's commentary on the latest state election results, asking my mom for recommendations on Bollywood movies and spending an entire night in splits watching episodes of Comedy Nights with Kapil. I would queue up to download episodes of LOST and The Big Bang Theory when they aired in the US. And yet, I feel like I could do the same for some of the Indian shows now.

I couldn't sum up this sense of comfort better without this scene I witnessed at the Indian Consulate recently. It was a bunch of us who had taken off from work waiting to be greeted by a 4 feet something Punjabi lady who was politely explaining to people how they didn't have the right number of photocopies or documents. There was camaraderie amongst everyone there, sharing glue sticks, pens and information and the collective disapproval of the Indian babudom.

When I look back at this one year that has past, there have been a few instances when I wondered to myself if this was all worth it - staying away from family, friends and familiarity. And the answer I get is truly conflicting. It isn't easy staying away from all those things you adore. But life is a journey of self discovery and exploration. I realized something recently when someone asked me if I'm going to be home for New Year's. And I replied that I was, without thinking for a second that it was the first time I referred to New York as home...