Every now and then, you tend to meet new people in a social gathering. And start conversing, only to realize that your gaze is now shifting to others among the crowd. Slowly, the conversation moves on to where they're from and your new-found acquaintance matter-of-factly mentions his/her birth city. And suddenly, you're paying attention. "That's interesting, I grew up there", you quip. And you're already striking a chord with this person for a piece of information that really doesn't all that much to either of you. It may be something as trivial as a TV show or a comic strip.
You leave feeling an invisible string binding you to that person. And why not, you tell yourself. Everyone says: opposites attract; but nobody mentioned anything about similes repelling, did they… It isn't a secret that you connect with people that are similar to you. The awkward ice-breaking stage doesn't prolong into those minutes that seem like days. You find yourself unashamedly finishing the sentences they start off, only to find them breaking into a contagious smile. Those endless conversations go on without a hint of an abrupt silence, flowing as effortlessly as a synchronous skating couple on a freshly set ice rink.
And you start thinking that there's always something common that binds people. Whether it be the principles and values you stand for, or the industry you work in, or even the hangouts you frequent. On closer introspection, it all adds up. Evolution occurred this way, never leaving anything for dissimilarities. Centuries ago, civilizations triumphed over others, leading the conquered to follow a way of life akin to the conquerors. Our ancestors and a lot of us even today, find our partners from amongst the same religion/caste or region as us. Our friends are mostly those that work with us, or grew up with us, often with similar ideals, goals and dreams. After all, it's those that think like we do that understand us best.
We consciously refuse to embrace divergence. Right from that person whom you dated but never got serious with, knowing very well how hard it would be, considering that person was from another country, another religion, or probably even another region from your country. To that acquaintance whom you didn't choose to get to know well, because he got driven around by a chauffer, while you and the rest of your friends took the bus. We do stand by our choices. There are some things that have stood the test of time, like these well established unwritten regulations that we follow.
We condemn those smarter than us as nerds and those dumber than us as losers. We brand those that have more fun than us as having no grip on their priorities, and those that don't as being devoid of a life. We slam those that spend more than us as compulsive-shoppers and those that don't as misers without a proclivity for 'the good life'. For we find comfort in semblance; those with the same qualities as us and in precisely the same quantities.
You've been thru your share of experimentations of questioning this logic. Of when that ex-flame long ago who would always wait for a few hours to call back, after a heated argument between you both. And you would always call again and again, refusing to go to sleep mad, choosing to stay up and fight instead. And somehow it never worked. You always expected them to change, and they us. In this tussle, the relationship took a backseat as the contrast between you both increasingly hogged the limelight. Contrast this to the guy or girl who liked black current as much as you do, could understand the deeper meaning in Vanilla Sky, and croons to an Adam Levine number. There's no effort one makes to understand the other person's tastes, choices and preferences. It all falls flawlessly in place.
Ultimately, we are all permutations and combinations of the same DNA strands that all of humankind is. And it is an unshakable fact that we connect, feel closer, share deeper relationships and form more intense bonds with those that are alike us, by virtue of nature or nurture.
One particular paragraph in the article "permutations and combinations" (5th one form the top -- We condemn those smarter........) made me do two things, read that para again, and think of how you managed to put that thought into words. Its exactly how I am ( and several others are) tuned to thinking.
ReplyDeleteWhat happens to the DNA theory when people choose to divorce or break up?
ReplyDeleteWe condemn those smarter than us as nerds and those dumber than us as losers.....those that spend more than us as compulsive-shoppers and those that don't as misers without a proclivity for 'the good life'.
ReplyDeleteVery nicely said and very correct.
Compatibility is very very important and I have never understood this whole concept of 'opposites attract' - maybe in the short run they do but I don't think it can last long.
@yeah right! and @deepali: Thanks for reading.. Appreciate your views.
ReplyDeleteWe all like to dwell in our comfort zones, and semblance makes sure that it gives us this opportunity, without any surprises!
@solitaire: Introspection, time and life itself coerce us to change, every so often.. And this sometimes makes us realize that our significant other hasn't really kept up to that change in us.. This is what leads to breakups and other calamities!
A VERY GOOD BLOG!
ReplyDelete@Rohit, Thanx for the appreciation
ReplyDeleteKeep reading :)