The Proximity Trap

How often have you accepted yourself to be part of something just because it was the thing closest to you? How often have you made yourself “fall in love” just because the other person was not a psychopath or a loser, and you were tired of being single?

You’ve probably gone into introspection already. Yes, most of us have been a part of something like this. However much you want to reject this theory or stay in denial... For there was a time when I myself was in this trap and would argue with anyone that this is but normal! And then one day, it just struck me. I just had to accept it, for all the signs were pointing towards that direction... And I did, hence this piece.

Yes, the other person or thing is really not all that bad. Yes, you’ve been thru that single phase and don’t want to anymore. It’s taught you enough and you tell yourself, “Hey, it’s high time... I deserve to be in a relationship”. For the less-fortunate, this decision is not that premeditated. It is piqued by work pressure, academic stress, a change in environment which you’re battling to cope with, the peer-pressure of being single, and age catching up on you or other external issues. And then, here comes this person in your life that seems godsend, at the time. Already, the chemical reaction in one’s brain starts off on a tangent to sanity, clouding all logic and reason (which don’t hold good either way) and all sense of wisdom that you pride yourself on possessing.

This person seems like the beacon of light shining upon you amongst all the darkness around. The answer to all those questions in your mind… Or so, it seems! It takes more than a while to understand that they don’t really make the list of what you wanted in the first place. You don’t share those common goals, that understanding that you needed. It was just that he/she was the closest around, and that was enough. Or was it…

“Why everyone says that I look happier when you’re around… The closer you get, the better I feel”, you sing along with Dido as your playlist’s suddenly filled with love ballads out of nowhere. You’re convinced that this song was written for you and your partner. You actually buy her rose-tinted aviators, but you’re really the one that’s looking at the world thru them…

Until it all comes crashing down that one day, when you realize that this just wasn’t “meant to be”. It doesn’t sound perfect anymore. And you start realizing that he/she was really not quite what you wanted. Now that study or work pressure and stress doesn’t haunt you anymore. You’ve come out of the darkness, and hadn’t even noticed it until today. You start to think hard, to try to find those reasons that you fell for that person to start with. Those same virtues seem like vices now, as you take out your frustration on him/her and yourself.

Yes, he/she got you through the phase. And that’s something you can never forget. However, are you going to stand by those decisions you made when you were obviously not at your rational best, or are you going to honour those promises? Live a life of compromise and mediocrity or choose to junk what could be the best thing that ever happened to you. These are the dreadful choices you are faced with… And you grudgingly make the choice. At least what seems right at the time. And condition yourself to think that it was for the best. And live the rest of your life not knowing whether the other path would’ve been more fulfilling. Unless you have an introspective mind or a conscience, you’re never faced with these questions again. Whatever it is that you choose, you are going to face its consequences… For a good part of your life.